interview

Ajja: First, we should introduce ourselves, so there will be mutual understanding and harmony. After that, our conversation can begin. Only then will there be usefulness in this conversation. Otherwise, words are mere words. The other day when we met, you described your experience of awakening, but the others here have not heard it, so could you please describe it again?

AC: I was sixteen years old.

Ajja: Who was sixteen years old?

AC: The individual, the young man, who was convinced that there was a problem, that there was something wrong.

Ajja: You can continue.

AC: Suddenly the doors of perception opened. It seemed like the walls in the room had disappeared and suddenly there was infinite space. And this infinite space was full of energy. And this energy was conscious, it was aware of itself.

Ajja: And what you are now—is it that awareness itself?

AC: Yes.

Ajja: So it's not this body that you refer to as "I." The awareness you experienced at that time, is that the "I" you feel now also?

AC: Yes. It's the same.

Ajja: It's not this body?

AC: There's only one "I."

Ajja: And what happened after that?

AC: Then what happened was that I realized that this energy that was aware of itself was intelligent, and that the nature of it was love. Unbearable love. Excruciating love. And it also became apparent that everything that existed in the manifest universe was of the same substance, which was this consciousness. And in that, it became apparent that every point in space was exactly the same point as every other. For example, now we're here in this room. We just came from Prashanti. Before that, I was in Europe. Before that, I was in America. While these all seem to be different places, what I realized in that moment was that every place I could be was the same point, literally and actually. Also, there were tears, but I wasn't crying. And my throat was opening and closing.

Eventually this experience faded. But then, six years later, when I was twenty-two, I began to seek for this experience once again, because even though by that time it felt very far away from me, I knew that it had been the most real experience of my life. I began to do sadhana [spiritual practice] and had various experiences and was with many different teachers. And then finally, when I met my last teacher, I told him about it. Over the years, I had told many people about this experience and they had never known what to say, but when I told him, he said, "Then you experienced everything." And when he said this, it began to come back. Then I experienced this overwhelming love and heat and burning for several weeks. After that happened, I began to find myself speaking spontaneously about the Absolute. I couldn't help it; I would start speaking about it, and then it would come into the room. And my body would fill up with bliss, and other people would feel the bliss and be drawn into the experience.

Ajja: What is your state now?

AC: That's what my experience is now. It happens when I'm teaching, when I'm speaking about the Absolute. Then this experience comes, and when I stop speaking about it, then I go back into a more ordinary state. But the difference now is that I have no doubt—self-preoccupation and doubt are gone—and this love that I met at that time is my whole life.

Ajja: In the beginning, the "I" was a constricted "I." Later, it started becoming expanded, and then you reached a state where there was no time and space, beyond even emotions. In that, "you" and "I" become one—the supreme Divine. We only use the word "I." Whatever there is in this body, for that we say "I" as a simple indication. We say that it is "me," but I am nothing. I am not the body. I am not even a power. What really exists is That whose nature is light; its nature is satya [ultimate reality]. It is truth, it is bliss, it is peace, and that is the real existence.

Who is that energy, that power? What is the source of that? Who am I? What is my source? I am that energy. I am that power which is my source. So when I go to search for the source of this "I," I reach that self-illumination. Then this power that is existing in this body, residing in this body, is also arising from that self-illumination. And it has all the qualities and nature of That itself. So when I know this, I start evolving. This "I" starts evolving to become That itself. That is its nature. Total expansion is its nature.

So what is that "I" that we were calling "I"? This body is not I. The one who resides in this body is the real I. That power, that shakti, is I. When one goes into that self-illuminated state and recognizes it as one's own true nature, one also finds that it has endowed one with the qualities of illumination, expansion, compassion. The individual self has become one with That. Whatever he sees around him, where does it come from? It is evident that it always comes from within; in every instant, it seems to just come springing up from within. To a realized soul, that is how the whole world around us looks.

Everything has come out of that "I." The most important answers, how do they come? It is not as if they were written down somewhere. These answers just come out. Not from the individual self, but from this state they come out. So there is no self! It just spontaneously comes out. So for the individual soul who aspires to be totally free, what is the easiest and most direct path to freedom from the cycle of birth and death? The answer to that question will come when the mind becomes totally silent. So it is not what I say that is important. We have to get those answers ourselves, and that we can do only by silencing our minds. All of us have the capacity to get those answers, because every question has an answer within silence. When the mind has reached a state of stillness the answer comes. This will not happen in one or two days, but it is certain that we will get the answer in the silence.

AC: I understand that when the mind is silent, there is no problem and therefore no need to find a solution. However, I have some questions I'd like to ask you anyway, for the sake of the many people who will read this.

Ajja: Whatever question you ask, the answer that comes out of here is: "Silence the mind." You have to first concentrate the mind on itself. If, after that, you still need a perfect answer, my life itself is the answer. By seeing my action, you can understand, you can realize That. That is my message. That is my answer.

AC: Can I ask you a question anyway? It's a good one.

Ajja: If I answer something, it should be of some use. The importance is for action. When the message is given, will they bring it into practice?

AC: That is what I wanted to ask you about: What is the relationship between nonexistence and action in time and space?

Ajja: One loses his existence through knowledge and action. Through these, he becomes free. Then he himself is a jivan mukta [liberated person]. But when that "I" has gone, what is there? Where is the question then?

AC: Even though he is free, isn't the jnani [Self-realized individual], the jivan mukta, still expressing something through his actions?

Ajja: I don't have the awareness that "I'm a jnani" or "I'm a jivan mukta." I don't have anything. When the "I" has gone, the consciousness does not even raise the feeling of "I." That is completely gone. So for a jnani that question does not even arise. Our thoughts are transformed into contemplation. Then our day-to-day routine interactions become spiritual. In that, the regular routine itself becomes spiritual life. That itself is yogic life. That itself is divine life.

AC: There is a mystery that I'm infatuated with. From nothing, there became something; it's literally the beginning of everything. In the jivan mukta, also, he is nothing, he's in nothing. And yet, from nothing comes something: words, actions, etcetera. This is what I want to know about.

Ajja: I have already described how day-to-day interactions themselves can be converted into spiritual actions. Having that objective, when an individual soul is engaged in day-to-day actions and duties, he gets transformed. Then, as he advances on the path of evolution, through contemplation on the thought "Who am I?"—who is that individual soul?—then, even while residing in this body, he becomes totally free from the cycle of birth and death. He becomes the Self itself, and the Self is total freedom. This is real freedom. This realization is the objective of human birth. It is for this alone that a human birth is taken. When this objective is fulfilled, our life itself is fulfilled. It is a state from which there is no more birth. It is a life free from duality, and beyond death. This is applicable everywhere in the entire world. This is true for the whole of humanity. When the whole of humanity understands this and puts it into action, then where is this question?

AC: Then there will be no difference between birth and death.

Ajja: Yes. Only when there is birth can there be death. Where is birth in this? We think: "I am this body. All the sense objects that are related to the body are mine." With such a constricted feeling, when a person is involved in action, and is experiencing the joys and sorrows that are resulting from such action, again and again he will take birth in this world. So his lives continue according to his actions. This is the secret of birth, life, and death. But when the individual self is freed from the bondage of action, and also the bondage of this body, then he becomes one with the supreme Self, which is his original nature. He becomes the supreme Self itself. When the individual, through contemplation of the question "Who am I?" becomes free from karma, he evolves, he becomes the self-luminous Supreme. That itself is Self. That itself is Bliss. That itself is satya, ultimate reality. That itself is Life. That itself is Self-realization.

So Self-realization is for the good of the whole. It brings auspiciousness and good to the whole universe. That is the objective of human life. When we understand the secret of this, we will understand the relationship between the individual soul, the supreme Soul, and the universe. The individual is a part of the cosmos. This body, this "I," is nothing but a microcosm of that macrocosmic universe. When we understand the micro level, we are bound to understand the macro universe. Anyone who seeks here is bound to reach there because this individuality is a part of That. And also, That contains everything. All the secrets of That, this also contains. Through the study of the individual—or even the atom—the basis of the whole universe can be understood.

How is this freedom realized? Through action alone does realization come. That is jnana, that is freedom, that is moksha. We must understand how, by doing action, we can reach that state. What kind of action will help us to become liberated? Chanting the name of God, contemplation, surrender, truth, nonviolence, detached action. One who, during his lifetime, can translate the knowledge of the Self into action, that one deserves to realize that supreme blissful state. Not only that, he becomes bliss itself. "Who am I? What is the secret of my life, my birth?" Understanding this, realizing this through his search, even when he is engaged in actions and duties, he attains his original nature, which is bliss. So it is through action that he becomes transformed.